Apparently Tsiife's got screencaptures but the short of it is that Mark was waaaay defensive over us being upset that Lexxe was permitted to run with the Sunday folks in their raid. Time for a little backstory and anger-dredging.
Thursday has had a hole in the roster since... Basically our inception. Missing a tank slot, filling it, losing a healer, filling it, tank flakes out, get a new one, lose a healer. We never really got our feet under us and only finished Firelands before 4.3 because we patched our weakest holes with the guys from Sunday who could do the job. I am fully aware it was a collaborative effort.
Anyway, our most recent tank slot was filled by what used to be one of our healers. That healer hole was replaced by one of our DPS, who was replaced by a newish person joining the ranks formally. This is a completely standard and reasonable thing for us. The problem was, the new tank wasn't geared as one. Despite knowing ahead of time he was expected to fill the role, Lexxe opted out of bringing his character and brought an alt his first week because he didn't bother to get some slots filled. At all. He had no body piece to tank in.
Of course, that night, a second-best-in-slot pair of bracers drop and go to my off-spec, a tanking ring goes to Patrick's, I think a pair of shoulders landed on him as well. A token to purchase best-in-slot body armor dropped. None of this went to his tank, who needed it. As a result of this, Lexxe agreed that, as a term of him taking on the role for the group, he would put a little more work into his tank spec so we could, you know, put tank gear on him. We ended up taking a break at some point, giving us a two-week period with no formal raiding obligations outside of his side of the agreement to, you know, log in and pretend to make an attempt to look like he was trying.
Of course, TOR came out that week.
You get a special potion when you raid that lasts for a couple of hours and gives you a nice stat bonus. We still had it up when we left the raid before our break. When we returned after a two-week period, Lexxe still had the same bonus. He hadn't done anything in two weeks. This miffed me, seeing as how we were standing behind him 100% and he couldn't be assed to put in a modicum of effort. Of course, his time in TOR wasn't neglected in any way.
We get halfway through the raid this past week when another body token drops, and this time Lexxe is present to lot on it. He wins it and our actual leader says something along the lines of "Now Lexxe, we're giving you that token but please don't make us regret it." This was, of course, referring to him not putting in a drop of effort. He then informs us, mid-run, that he's actually been thinking about quitting. This further agitates me. I ask why we just put a token on someone who openly stated they might be on their way out when a healer in the group could benefit from it just as much, only the healer has been actually playing the game.
I am a firm believer in getting things you earn. I believe if you kill the monster, you are entitled to the spoils. I do however draw a line at wasting equipment. If it isn't going to be used, you should not use it. I think this is a fairly reasonable thing and it has been breached in our group before: Someone lotted over a healer for a best-in-slot item, won it, and told us an hour later it was their last run before taking off to heal for another raid group. The feeling was not pleasant.
Lexxe ignored my protest, and when I asked if I was missing something, Lexxe said he hadn't said anything. I told him I knew that and that was the problem. He then flipped his shit, saying he didn't make up his mind. Tangent.
When someone in an MMO says they are thinking about quitting, they are actually saying they are looking for reasons to stay. Lexxe is one of those idiot sheep who think TOR is the best MMO ever and honestly, if he's still in WoW in two weeks I'll be surprised. (When I say "in WoW" I mean doing things outside of showing up to collect loot from a raid group once a week.) I've never known a soul to say "I'm thinking about quitting
I pointed out that if Lexxe couldn't even manage to log in to do anything over a two week period that he's likely on his way out, Lexxe then traded the token to the aforementioned healer and then ragequit.
I told you that story so could tell you this one.
I spoke to Mark, the guild leader, on the phone that night. I was angry, Claire was upset, I was angry. I had made a snarky comment on twitter earlier in the evening about not being able to wait until the poison starts getting dripped into people's ears. He asked what I meant and I said it referenced the inevitable point when Lexxe goes to Mark and cries about how mean we were and what jerks we are for wanting to, you know, have the raid's work go to the raid and not get left hanging on a checked-out quitter.
Mark listened to me and told me that I didn't need to worry too much since he had quit on us, and by proxy he had quit on Sunday, too. (Lexxe would fill in for them when they needed an extra hand.) I took Mark at his word and made sure to tell him how much I appreciated his support; The guild leader had my back, a guy who volunteered to help out the Thursday run had flaked out and he would see consequences for it. Mark assured me that what Lexxe did bothered him, too, and that was that, he had quit.
Then Lexxe ran with Sunday. Then we found out Monday. Then Claire and I tweeted about it, since that's what twitter is for, right? Cursing the sky instead of writing an emo blog like this one? Then nothing at all happened. Claire texted Mark, Mark ignored. I tweeted at Mark, Mark ignored.
The thing with Tsiife happened. Kyo pointed out that Mark's twitter accounts had completely vanished. I logged on to ask what happened. Mark blew me off and logged out.
Some time later, Mark's lackey Mag logged on to correctly demote myself and Claire to Thursday Raiders. Mark never bothered to address anyone on our side of this.
I don't know what's happening. I am angry, though. A friend told me he was going to stick up for me, told me he felt the same outrage I did, told me that he had my back. Then he completely shit all over that gesture of friendship and support. Not only did that happen, but he then acted like a complete child and ran from every single consequence of it. Claire never got responded to, to my knowledge. I know I didn't.
I said it earlier and I think the ramifications are valid. In whatever shattered or frantic state Mark is currently in, he is responding worse to all of this than Kimi did. Kimi had this power to completely ignore reality as it happened around him. He would completely ignore people talking to him if he disagreed, rather than have a discussion about how he might somewhat be incorrect.
What Mark is doing is somehow worse. He's attempting to retcon reality, not just ignore it. Rather than ignoring tweets, he is deleting them. Rather than discuss the problem, he is blocking access to anyone who would discuss things with him. Rather than do anything to address the issue, he has swept it under the rug as if we were all complete strangers, up to and including the completely-unnecessary demotion of my and Claire's rank in the guild. There wasn't a word spoken to either of us, we were just suddenly dropped a peg. There was no reason for it, there was no abuse of power or any real problem stemming from rank. The issue with Lexxe wasn't a power trip or a misuse of position, it was one raider asking another to hold up their end of an agreement.
I don't like the radio silence. I don't like being completely dropped. I don't like the feeling that I misplaced two years~ worth of trust in someone who ultimately can just attempt to make me an unperson. I don't like feeling betrayed, and I sure as hell don't like seeing someone who goes on and on about talking out problems and JUSTICE and that sort cave to peer pressure or whatever the fuck caused him to completely annihilate my trust in him.
I guess this is the biggest middle finger to me as he could muster; I've talked countless times about how I thrive on confrontation and how I love a good argument. Hell, Mark's said before that (in a tweet that is now deleted, no less) people shouldn't be afraid to argue things out with me because it isn't personal and I like to see disagreements come to an amicable end. For all the shit I posted about Oro and Cal's business in XI, I don't hold an ounce of resentment towards them.
Instead of an end, though, I get this. Silence. I get shut out, denied, shut down. I get ignored. I cannot comprehend how someone who fashions themselves a leader and a good friend and whatever other propaganda they want to feed the people around him decides to run like this. Is it time off? Is it just needing a while to clear your head? I can get behind that; I've written and said and done many things in a moment of insanity that I've regretted and had to make amends for. I at least try to communicate that bit, though. I might be vomiting blood from my eyes in a rage but I try to choke out that it isn't personal, or that I'm just in a bad way. It isn't ideal, but it's a long shot from
"I'm exploding, that's what."
Mark is has gone offline.
because that's all I got tonight. If this is how things have to end, I would at least appreciate the testicular capacity to be a man and say it. Doesn't even have to be to my face; I feel that in a time of heated exchange, live conversation is actually the worst thing. Might be because I run hot and prefer the time to think before I react with spitting rage. Probably. My point is, just tell me. I'm a big boy. Don't worry about hurting my feelings, that happened when I was made to feel like a fool for believing that someone I thought was my friend was standing behind me and then completely forgot what he had agreed with me on.
I'm conflicted. I joke around sometimes that when I was younger I took out all of my bad feelings and replaced them with Anger. Anger goes in all fields. The vial that holds Sadness? Replaced with Anger. Embarrassment? Replaced with Anger. Hurt? Anger. If it is a negative feeling that might result in paralysis, replace it with anger. The part that makes me worry, though, is that I don't quite feel the same flavor of Angry I do when this shit normally happens. What Ramp did? That made me angry, and angry led to plotting, and plotting led to victory.
Right now, I feel the strangest sense of red-colored serenity. I'm not lusting for combat or fighting or arguing but I know that I can if it comes to it. If it comes to some sort of diplomacy, I think I have the sort of fire that results in either stalling on the House floor or a wave of approval. I'm not angry right now, I think. I'm focused.
I wish something would happen or be said, though, because this is bullshit and a dick move to put this sort of uncertainty on 9 other people. I can't speak for Aden or Hem, but I know the other 7 involved in Thursday have zero idea what comes next. That's a shitty thing to do no matter who you are.
For not knowing what to say, I sure said a whole lot. Or maybe it wasn't much of anything at all.
At least I tried to say something.
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