I can only imagine how the conversation must have went. I'd openly stated before that I meant it as a compliment that I constantly compared myself to the data that was posted by my peers. I wanted to know what my friendly competition looked like; I am competitive by nature. I like to work hard to overcome people, I like the spurn of competition when someone passes me. I like being urged to do well, and then to do better. It keeps everyone growing instead of blindly saying MOB DIED LOOT DROPPED WHO CARES.

I guess that, as Lexxe did EXACTLY AS I SAID HE WOULD and dripped the poison in Mark's ear, Mark heard that we kicked him for not farming valor. That's not exactly the reason, but it is the result. First of all, we didn't kick him. He quit. Openly, in flames, in the middle of a run. Second, it wasn't so much about the valor as much as it was about someone giving me their word they would work on X and instead spending all of their time on Y. I don't care what X is. If you promise me you'll work on X and then don't, you have lied to me and taken advantage of everyone who supported you. It also wasn't so much about not doing the agreed X as it was the looming concept of "I've been thinking about quitting." As previously stated, when you're thinking of quitting you're really looking for a reason not to. Not the same.

In the end this just comes down to masks, which I am something of an expert in, and delusions, which I only have experience with. If I was guilty of anything resembling shit-talking, I am unaware of when exactly I did that. This leads me to believe that Mark took my comparison between groups personally. I pointed out that Thursday had more efficient numbers, better overall data, quicker times. He must have taken this as an insult? It was never meant as one, I am much more direct than that. I wouldn't attempt to be subtle, doesn't he know where I grew up? If I'm going to brag about how my team just dunked on your face, the entire world is going to know it.

I think this is strictly a power-play. There's been tension with the self-absorbed snobs of Sunday for a while, and as much as I got along with some of them, none of them are going to bother risking their necks looking into what actually happened. Nothing I said or did, or anyone on Thursday for that matter said or did, was meant to be insulting. Nothing was made to degrade or subvert anyone else. The fact that this all came up on Monday instead of Thursday night when I spoke to Mark proves that he changed his mind later about what occurred. His team was down a man because Shane flaked out and Lexxe fit in better with those assholes than he did with us. I guess people don't like to be called out on their bullshit and would rather hide from it.

I'm still disgusted that someone who would go on about how much better it was to face problems head-on would take this route to end a friendship. I have my ego-stroking theories on why that is. I think Mark is just tired of being forced to stand up to his real-life friends over things that happened with the NBs. I think that, with his friends being pricks and us constantly calling them on it, Mark was constantly forced into a position of playing peacekeeper between them and us. Mag, for example, is an unrepentant asshole with a shitty sense of humor and no ability to be friends with anyone. He said something outright offensive to Claire, who called him on it, and he refused to apologize for the action, only saying he was sorry she found it offensive, which is not the same thing. Of course, this goes up the chain to Mark, who then has to step in to his friend who is going to be totally clueless why Mark is being hard on him, and the person who Mark knows has been wronged.

The same thing happened with Lexxe quitting on us. We went to him and explained that what happened was pretty shitty, and Mark agreed with us. Then eight of his friends needed a healer for their raid, and how much of a fuck do they give about Thursday's troubles? Mark is now forced again to stand between his sense of what is wrong and what his friends want. Again, he takes the path of least resistance and caves in to peer pressure, to the people who are there in real life. He goes against his word and his feelings to placate the people who will continue to think he's great and a leader. He feeds his own ego with any credibility he had ushered in with internet people. And I'm sure this makes him feel good. Great, even. As someone who fancies himself a man of his word, I'm sure Mark loved being reminded in texts and tweets that he had abandoned his spine and betrayed trust in people who he had given his word to a few nights before.

So what does an ego-maniacal self-indulgent leader do when faced with either living us to his word or taking the easy way out? You do exactly what transpired; You cut out all of the possible chances for reconciliation. You remove any and all methods for them to cause you to hurt by speaking with you. I think Mark knows what he did was wrong, and I am sure that he would rather ignore all of that and refuse to process it than face reality. He'd rather not have to man up to any of his prior conversations and just pretend we never existed.

I've got your number. I know you pretty well even though I'm sure you'd insist otherwise. You are a self-fashioned leader and commander. You want to be like the good leaders you've read about; Stern and just and correct and loved and unquestioned. As soon as you start hitting some bumps, though... As soon as someone is unhappy with you or your actions. As soon as you have to start making actual hard choices; Do the right thing? Or just side with my friend? You take the easy way out. You are a coward. You are full of yourself. You don't even make me angry at this point. You certainly don't make me feel pity.

You are just a sad, delusional "adult" with poor social skills. You dance and sing and prance about for your friends with no idea of who you are or who you could be. You insist you are in control and that everything you do is your idea. You're blind and clueless. You are lost.

Good luck on your inevitable mid-life crisis when you realize your entire life is a sham, and you hate the people around you. You cracked now, turning your back on people you liked and got along with; How many other people did you buy TOR for? I felt like I would have been taking advantage of your offer, but you insisted. How many times did you go to bat for me before, saying that I was like you, and a good guy?

I wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors. You are certainly going to need it when the voices and thoughts creep in once you're alone. You just need to realize how alone you really are first.