Senses

It was a guilty feeling. Despite his best attempts at remaining aloof and detached, sometimes, rarely, someone manages to latch a hook onto the top of the walls. It had only happened once before, but that too was an accident. He realized a lot of his laboring was self-imposed and overly dramatic, but despite his whining he felt he had a modicum of reason.

It wasn't as if he could just return home to rest. It wasn't as easy for him as it was for others, self-requested exile or personal reasons aside. He trusted the bird more than anyone he had ever met save Father himself but there were questions, worries and doubts. He knew she wouldn't have been allowed to maintain their connection for the years that had gone by without siphoning some of the things she was learning back to the nest. He trusted that she was only giving them what they needed to deign her interest and research necessary, but there were times when the night was darkest that he felt perhaps he wasn't as clever as he proposed. He was dealing with a network of intelligence spanning the world; spies and eyes and thieves and liars. A grouping with the singular task of knowing everything. He had his wits and his instincts. The two were far from evenly matched, so he played his games and kept his secrets. He wondered in the darkest times which side she was playing for, but deep down her knew and believed that her loyalties belonged to him. For some reason.

Despite his best attempts at keeping his defenses in place so that he might not be betrayed, he had allowed her quarter in his imaginary kingdom. He had to, he felt. They had been through battles together, through events and cons and games and plays. The human term was "partners in crime" but that didn't seem to capture the truth of it. He hadn't wanted one, to begin with. He only needed someone to tell his ridiculous tales to. The more ridiculous, the more likely they'd be retold, and he would have done his part in maintaining the mystique and glamor that protected him and his own, not that he had ever met them for long.

Despite his best attempts at being an unknown, he had become a known. It was an odd bit of coincidence that, years after not being interested in joining forces with another species, the same thing would happen. Again, despite not wanting to be a known entity, he had been found out and pursued. Again, despite not wanting to get too close in case tragedy would befall him, he found himself going along for the adventure. He didn't regret that bit at all. He just couldn't help but wonder what had made him so interesting in the first place. He wondered if his mantle was more prestigious than anything he himself would ever accomplish, and again sought it was his task to make sure the Legend wasn't matching the reality of things.

Those hooks catch the tops of the walls, though. For the second time he found himself allying with someone he didn't want to believe would turn him out. He had always wondered, how could he not? But like with the bird, deep down he didn't have to truly worry about where loyalties belonged. He had sensed no deep deception on either of their parts, and with a careful grasp on the situation he was working to bring himself into the light. Again, he wondered what parts of the interest were him and what parts were who he was.

The bar had been simple enough. A room full of baying and loud-mouthed men with one thing on their mind. A girl who knew what they were up to and what their subterfuge was. It wasn't difficult for him to play his role. He hadn't needed to try too hard; He wondered how much of her interest was in him and how much was in what she didn't realize she sensed. He had taken an item from her, plainly requested. There was a twinkle in her eyes that he recognized, cruelly, and knew deep down he'd be repeating the same guilt in the future.

Thinking about it, he did his best to lash it into something positive, something he could use or be content with. He didn't have a home or a people to return to when he needed rest, he had no open nation to belong to. He figured it was a great big joke that he was just going to have to make his own out of the Others.